A Poem by Mr. Cody H REID "ELITEDRAGONSLAYER69"
the word trust left my vocabulary
No one left to trust
Will i even survive another day
it's me against the world
The hunt is on
Hunted like animals
Treated like them as well
The hunt is on
Always running
always hiding
always alone
Hi my names johny everyday i walk in the big blue doors of my highschool in oaklahoma city, and all i see is me walking threw vacant hallways and deserted class rooms. but in reality the school is full of kids and classes, but im known as that quite kid or the weird kid. It all started 2 years ago when my mom and dad split up and i had to move across the country away from my friends and family members so i could live with my dad in this shit hole, My dad dosent have the best of job's or make fat stacks half the time my dad;s house dosent even have food in it. okay fast foward...were back in present time. my daily squdule consists of going to school sitting in class and then going home, i dont talk to anyone i have 0 friends and i sit in the bathroom stall to eat my lunch. im a ghost in my school , no one even knows my name. I wish i could just go home back to venice beach were my friends are.
the next morning i decided that what i was going to do, i gathered up some of my saving's from working part time over at the hair parlor and bought a plane ticket BACK to venice beach. i left my dad a note on the counter with 2 words, "going home" when i arrived at venice so many questions started flowing threw my head. what now? were am i even going to go? I started by heading over to johny's my cousins and my best friend's he would let me crash there a couple weeks until i can figure things out.
In those few weeks started going back to my old school and seeing my old friends and i loved it and i was never ever going to move away again, i wasnt a ghost here i was me. my dad had gotten ahold of johny's parents and he was okay with me staying with them. he said he was going to get a promotion soon and he would e able to transfer back down here and we could start or lives again together. were we belong.
Cody you have a great ability to get things done quickly. You manage to adapt to changes scenarios very quickly and "get it done". I am concerned about your rushed writing. You miss loads of capitals and punctuation, and I think it's out of bad habit, not a lack of ability. Then... you need to consider if your theme (your opinion on the them to be more accurate) is clear to your audience.
ReplyDeleteGreat start to your story but you have such better potential to add more detail into your story. I agree with Neuf, i feel like it was abit rushed but it's great you started. Good start.
ReplyDelete